Oleg Gadetsky. Writer. Psychologist trainer. Conducts trainings in Russia, Europe, Asia and the USA.
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The role of parents in a child’s life

Have you ever thought about the questions: “What is the real role of parents?”, “What experience should a father and mother give to a child?”. A woman is not born a mother. She learns to be at the moment when she carries the baby inside, when she is breastfeeding.

Mother's love begins when she refuses her needs and herself.

She does not eat favorite foods that can cause colic or allergies in a child. All her life she has given him and this is a very important lesson in love. In order to become a mother, a child comes into the life of a woman to learn selfless love. For a child, when he feels a world filled with the unselfish energy of love, one big miracle happens. And if every child experienced this miracle, the world would very quickly change.
 

Birth of a child reveals maternal qualities in a woman


At one of the meetings, Marina Targakova recalled the experience of motherhood. Here is what she said: “When my child started to hiccup, I burst into tears. My mother asked: "What happened?". I replied: "He hiccups."I heard: “He is alive. Why shouldn't he hiccup? ” I remember my feelings when something starts moving in you, then at that moment you suddenly realize that you really want to see him and wait for the meeting. A woman's character changes and an understanding comes that you are no longer you. ”
With the birth of a child, a woman learns to be a mother. She accumulates a tremendous experience, which comes when the child has a fever, the first colic appears, or he does not take the breast. In these moments, she simultaneously experiences an incredible stress and experience of love.
 

What is the duty of father and mother?


The duty of the mother is to learn to love the child. Father's duty is to learn to love them two. He must become for them the outer circle of love. His task is to feel the woman, her needs, calm down, give inner support, confidence and protection, but often, men do not understand this.
It is very difficult for one woman to cope with the raging ocean of experienced emotions. Periodically, she has a tremendous sense of guilt that she is not a good enough mother, wife. A woman becomes unhappy. The child instantly reacts to the state of the mother. He is naughty and starts to hurt.The whole family becomes restless, which indicates that the woman does not feel protected.
In resolving this situation, the role of a man who is able to accept the feelings of a woman is enormous. When a man says: “I love you, everything will be fine” and hugs, it becomes easier for a woman. At this point, her anxiety goes away, and she feels protected.
It often happens that a woman or a man dreams of a worthy partner, but they themselves do not strive to become such. They want to give birth to a child, but they do not want to be good parents. Without getting what they want, they become irritated and exhausted. A person gets a completely different result when he consciously seeks to become a good husband or wife, father or mother. To feel the difference, I suggest you go through the following exercise.
 

An exercise


Try to imagine now that you have the expectation that someone from the people around you should become a real partner for you. You think that they should love you and wait for them to do it.
And now mentally imagine that you are striving to become a real husband or wife.You consciously reveal the ability to love a partner. You strive for true friendship and build relationships from this position. Compare the two experiences within yourself.


Experience of meeting participants


Natalia: “In the first case, I felt discomfort and anxiety. In the second, calm and tranquility came to me.
Andrei: “In the first case, I had the feeling that I was a master, and the other was a subordinate. There was no sincerity in the relationship, but an unpleasant emptiness was present. In the second case, I had the feeling that an important mission is being accomplished, that I am doing good, bringing positive and good energy to people around me. ”
Larisa: “In the first case, I had a very big irritation, tension and painful expectation. And in the second case, there was such a flow of love, energy that I wanted to give. ”
The first option is absolutely losing, because the people around them never guess what you need. Acting on the second option, you will feel like a happy and realized person.

If you want to learn to be a good friend, husband or wife, then life will test you for strength.Continue to follow the chosen path and with time the situation will begin to change. Only the result depends on you.

 

How to create a happy relationship?


This question is very often asked at meetings and seminars. To answer it, let's look at the surrounding nature. A bee arrives to collect nectar from a flower at the moment when it is dissolved. She does not attract a closed bud. If a woman wants to get married, then she needs to reveal the feminine nature. First a flower should bloom, and then a man will appear in her life with whom she will create a real relationship. A man, in order to attract into his life a woman with whom he will be happy, needs to reveal the masculine nature.


Where do so many false relationships come from?


The root of the problem lies in the fact that there are no real men and women in relationships, no real mothers and fathers. We always demand from others that they be good children, good husbands or wives so that they are good parents. Each of us dreams of being loved, but we do not ask ourselves the questions: “Which one or which I? Like a son, husband, father, daughter, wife, mother? ”
I liked one wisdom: “If you are looking for a true friend or girlfriend, then first look for them in yourself, and then create relationships, family, become parents.Look not for those who know how to be friends, but learn to be friends and love yourself. ”

 
The article was prepared on the basis of the Love Doing Miracles webinar Part 2 (Sindutai Sapkal, Marina Targakova, Oleg Gadetsky).

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